How to Never Run Out of Things to Say [If You Blank Out]

We‘ve all been there. You‘re talking to someone beautiful, funny, and interesting, and a troubling thought shoots through your mind: what do I do now? Sometimes that‘s all it takes to make you freeze up and lose momentum. Next thing you know, you‘ve run out of things to say on a date.

Fear not, as there are some definitive ways to get things back on track. It‘s not about doing everything perfectly all the time — it‘s about going along with the ebb and flow of social interaction.

Delete Your Fear of Silence

There is nothing to be worried about if neither of you have said anything for awhile. Silence is an integral part of conversation. Letting it happen will make the back-and-forth dialogue go much more smoothly.

Think of it like this: there‘s no such thing as an awkward silence. Whether it‘s an awkward silence is up to you and/or the other person. If you insist on being comfortable, you can persuade the other person to feel comfortable, too.

Okay, sometimes there really are awkward silences. Unavoidable ones. The thing about uncomfortable silences is that you can make them work for you. Lean into them a little. Take a moment to breathe and remember that this doesn‘t matter. Become aware of yourself as someone who‘s simply enjoying themselves on a night out, among hundreds or thousands of others. Relax your muscles a little bit.

With this “reset,” you can jump back into talking with renewed energy and creativity.

Never do these things in response to awkward silences:

1. Never point them out

2. Don‘t try to avoid them by filling in the empty spaces

3. Don‘t suppress them or act like they didn‘t happen

4. Don‘t continue with the same conversation topic/direction that brought it about

If you‘re obsessing about how the conversation‘s going, you aren‘t open to a genuine conversation.

Keep The Talking Time 50/50

Some people talk too much — and some people go too far in the other direction by letting the other person spill their life story. This will kill the spark completely. Even if you‘re genuinely curious, the conversation will hit a dead end if you let this happen. The speaker will start to get passionate about what they‘re saying and think more about that than about you.

Never ask more than three questions in a row, and avoid yes/no questions. This is where it starts to become an interview. If you‘ve offered two interesting questions and gotten detailed answers, let them fill the silence. It‘s their turn. Similarly, make your answers detailed, but brief. Don‘t go into a story that requires a lot of context.

Ignore Advice About Being The Dominant One

We‘re not trying to say anything like, “the person will think of you as submissive if you listen too much or if you agree with them.” That‘s toxic advice. You‘ll encounter a depression and isolation more extreme than you‘ve ever experienced if you turn this into a test of gigachad masculinity. Trust us.

Rather, there‘s a natural give-and-take that helps conversations happen. If someone‘s losing interest, it‘s usually because this momentum has been lost and they don‘t know where to go next; it‘s not anything personal. They probably feel bad and inadequate, too. You can gain social confidence by realizing that it isn‘t personal and thinking of it like a game.

When you have social confidence, you never run out of things to say. It‘s how to never run out of things to say on a date, rule number one.

Use Safety Net Topics Sparingly

You might‘ve noticed that we haven‘t gone into any conversation topics yet. This is because everyone‘s different, everyone has different styles of flirting. If you‘re talking to someone interesting, it‘s because you already share a way of communicating. You don‘t need to change very much to keep it going.

Things could get smothered if you keep a list of topics to fall back on. Are you talking just for the sake of talking, so you don‘t run out of things to say? This can poison your chemistry.

Ask Questions That Genuinely Interest You

You‘ve probably heard many people say that the key to attracting people is to make it about them. People love talking. However, you shouldn‘t ask them about football if you don‘t even know the rules. A “stock question” will feel far less stock if you have a vested interest in it.

Make Sure To Ask The Basics

There are some things you absolutely need to ask on the first date, second date, and beyond. These questions are important enough to interrupt the chemistry:

1. What do you do?
2. What are your plans for the next few years?
3. How often do you see your best friend or best friends?
4. How often do you see your parents?
5. What do you do in your free time?

There are no “wrong” answers to these questions, and the answers will give you a valuable understanding of the other person and their values. If someone avoids answering these questions or they haven‘t asked any of them yet, that‘s a red flag.

There are a few other questions that come up in most dates, too. Here‘s what we think of the basics:

1. “What‘s your favorite music?” Very hit-or-miss, as everyone‘s tastes are highly individual.
2. “What‘s your favorite food?” A great question to ask. Try to make it lead into another topic. Don‘t schedule the next date around their answer, though, as that can seem obvious and tacky.
3. “How about this weather?” Don‘t ask this; you‘re not trying to chat with a coworker!
4. “Are you an early bird or night owl?” Another great question to spend a few minutes on.

What If They‘re Really Losing Interest?

Maybe the date has truly entered panic mode. Their body language is all off, you accidentally just asked the same question twice, you feel as though you really have run out of things to say. You‘ve hit a mental block and you‘re drowning in self-consciousness. Your biggest fear.

Well, my friend, you‘ve just hit the zone of high risk and high reward. Clearly you need to shake things up a bit. The great news is that you can make this fun for you — so, if it didn‘t work out, at least you had fun!

This is the time to be bold, use humor, and show off. Quit feeling stiff and follow your impulses.

(Note: this is not the time to take physical touch to the next level.)

Here are a few examples of what you can do if you‘ve run out of things to say:

Ask an odd question or make a joke to catch them off-guard. “Would you rather have twelve fingers or no toes?” “Would you rather visit the moon or the Mariana Trench?” Something random like this will spice up the conversation a little.

Interact with your environment. Say you‘re out walking and you spot a playground. You might charm your date if you spontaneously decide to lay your hand on their upper back, say “come on!”, and hop on the swing set. Make sure it doesn‘t feel too forced, however.

Ask a VERY open-ended question. A question like “what‘s your story?” will excite the imagination of the other person. They‘ll have fun just figuring out how to answer the question.

Conclusion

Having a date where you never run out of things to say is rare, and it should be cherished. You can do everything correctly and things still don‘t work out. You can also allow yourself to be critical of the other person if you run out of things to say; it‘s never completely your fault, and most people really are just boring and hard to talk to!